Saturday, January 29, 2011


Grace is one of the most beautiful, haunting albums ever made. And Jeff Buckley's voice is without a doubt one of the best voices of the 20th (Hell, the 21st too) century. So imagine my disgust when I read that none other than the glittery vampire douche himself, ROBERT PATTINSON, is the front-runner to play Buckley in a biopic about his life.

Yes, I used Microsoft Paint to create that beautiful masterpiece. And yes, I'm insulting his hair.

But seriously, ROBERT PATTINSON AS JEFF BUCKLEY?! James Franco is also in the running, which is better because I love me some James Franco. But Robert Pattinson apparently is a better musician, so that puts him as the top choice for the role. I can't really insult his talent because I've never seen him in any movies (I saw the first 20 minutes of Twilight but couldn't handle any more of it, it's way too ridiculous for me. And one of my favorite movies is Blazing Saddles, the epitome of ridiculous, but brilliant!). But the fact that a ton of teenage girls and middle aged housewives will rush to this movie purely because their wet dream boyfriend is in it is why this is so irritating.

Whatever, I needed to rant at the epic fail of the whole situation. I'll just watch this 10 times to make myself feel better.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Dirty Little Secret of the Day

I like to watch cooking shows. And I can't cook to save my life. And I don't eat any animal products, yet love to watch other people cook with things I'll never eat.

Now I'm not talking about the Food Network. I can't stand any of the "chefs", and even the once Bad-Ass Bitch Ina Garten has lost her allure now that her oversized denim shirt wearing self is plastered all over Williams-Sonoma. It just seems so fake, so commercialized, and the sight of Guy Fieri makes me want to vomit. Is anyone else tempted to steal the glasses off the back of his head and beat him senseless with them?

Moving on........There are exceptions to everything. And they all happen to be British. Gordon Ramsay is watchable, and Nigella Lawson? A-MAZING. But I have to say that without a doubt the most entertaining food show ever created is.........Two. Fat. Ladies.

How epic are these ladies? Not only are they unapologetically unhealthy as all Hell, they're impossible not to like. Oh, you have a bushel of fresh picked artichokes? Well let's hollow this sucker out and stuff it with bacon and lard! And smear some more lard on top for decoration. And dump the whole thing in a vat of butter.

Yeah, these bitches would do that. Because they're amazing.

Harvest those weird, oversized periwinkle things, girl!

If you think for a minute that I'm not downloading the entire 4 seasons of this show as I type this, you are SORELY mistaken.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

First Finished Craft of 2011!

Holy crap, it's the New Year!

I hope everyone (Who am I kidding, no one reads this shit!) had a lovely New Year's Eve. I personally spent it vomiting. Yes, I rang in the New Year with an awesome 24-hour stomach virus.

If that doesn't start 2011 off with a bang (or a projectile vomit frenzy), I don't know what does. But moving on......

I don't do New Years resolutions very well. I always pick something like "exercise more!" or "stop spending so much money on clothes I never wear!" or "attempt to like people!". In other words, I never stick with it. But does anyone really stick with resolutions? My dad is quitting smoking, and I would bet my favorite Balenciaga wayfarers that he won't last longer than a week.

Except I wouldn't bet those glasses. They're Balenciaga, for fuck's sake!

Instead I've created goals for myself, mostly because if I don't do them I won't feel guilty about it. My first goal that I have already started on is........DO MORE CRAFTS! And I've started off 2011 with a sweet Rasta-Inspired infinity scarf!

To be quite honest, I started this a while ago intending it to be a lap quilt but I just got sick of working on it and put it in my closet. And then I found it again and figured it would make a sick scarf. And HELLZ YES IT DOES!

Me looking stupid in a scarf.

Isn't it lovely? And it's so warm and versatile! I am a huge fan of infinity scarves because they look so cool with everything, and crocheting them is a quick way to add a great accessory to your winter wardrobe. Not that it gets very cold down here, but whatever.

"Do More Crafts" is actually the only goal I've added to my list as of yet. But I will be adding things as time progresses. Like "Get More Tattoos" and "Save Some Money, You Idiot".

Bring it on, 2011!